Few people like networking. Most introverts actively hate it. There are few things I dislike more than standing in a corner, holding a glass of lukewarm orange juice (the choice is usually dire when you don’t drink alcohol), watching the clock until I can sneak out without looking rude. Like presenting, however, networking is a part of working life you can’t always get out of. As one network-challenged person to another, let me share the strategies I use to overcome my dislike of small talk, so that you too can avoid losing out on opportunities for connection and growth.

First of all, read a good book. The Introvert Entrepreneur by Beth Buelow is a fantastic resource for aspiring introvert networkers. Even when, like me, you’re not really an entrepreneur. A self-proclaimed introvert, Buelow does not regard introversion as a bad habit you need to change your way out of. Instead she offers a wealth of advice on how to use your natural strengths (yes, she has convinced me that introversion can be a strength) to build networks and carve out career opportunities for yourself. Her excellent website is also packed with free resources you can explore further after finishing the book.

Focus on activities in smaller groups rather than large unstructured events. I know I’m not my best self at large networking sessions where I’m expected to mingle, so I tend to avoid them. Instead, I turn up for smaller sessions which focus on s specific theme. Workshops and lectures are also great. You’ll meet like-minded people, you’ll have a ready-made topic to talk about, and there will be less noise. Doing something together, rather than just standing around clutching canapés, is a great conversation starter.

The final tip is one I learned from Buelow and use every single day. As an introvert, you’re probably very good at listening (unlike extraverts, who prefer to talk about themselves). Use this power. Listen to what people tell you, ask questions to keep them going, and remember what they said. Next time you meet, ask them about their dog, their son’s exams, their fishing trip. They will appreciate this and remember you fondly as a warm and caring person. Perhaps they will even speak positively of you to other people. And the great thing is: you don’t need to change who you are. You simply keep being you.

Introversion often gets a bad rep. Too many self help books describe it as a handicap you need to get rid of to build your brand, get out there, and add yet more noise to an already-too-loud world. I love the idea that you can instead think of it as a strength. Stop trying to force yourself into the extravert box, instead seek out opportunities that help you shine, and allow your best parts to grow.

Image my own @thecococatani